i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
