this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
