Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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