Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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