My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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