I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
