I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
