I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
