remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
