I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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