I cannot find my penis.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
