So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Pooping to opera.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
