Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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