Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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