Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
