There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
me + whiskey = a bad person
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
