I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
