i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
