oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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