And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
