Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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