Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
