Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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