So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He passed out mid-signature
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just found puke in my bra..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
