omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
