So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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