If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
