I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
