I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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