Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
