I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
