Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
