There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish I only lived at night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
