Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My underwear smells like fireworks.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
