im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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