I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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