Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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