It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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