I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
third nipple confirmed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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