Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
