I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
