if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
