My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
