My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
