Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
