my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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