apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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