i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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