then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
