I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
